“Look, Vinita aunt’s daughter secured 90% in Maths.”
“Your younger brother got kudos from his teacher. Learn from him.”
Why do we compare our children with others?
It’s easy to say that you would never compare your child to others, but that is only until you see a friend/relative boast about his 2-year-old daughter being able to name all animals! And then you end up feeling worried about your own because he/she hasn’t even started identifying colours? The desire to have your child succeed can cause you to compare them to other kids.
It’s only human nature to think of your own children when people talk about their children. But we have the power to not want to automatically compare that child to yours. Ascertaining the performance of your child’s accomplishments on the basis of other children’s accomplishments is not the right approach.
Most parents aim is to motivate their child by giving examples of other children’s accomplishments, but does that really help instigate a healthy competition? No!
How would you like constantly being compared to someone else?
When you compare your kids with others, you lay the foundation for antagonism which leads them to feel envious of the other child and behave aggressively. It hits their self-esteem when you show them that they are not as good as their sibling or your friend’s child. No two children are the same, they have different strengths/weaknesses, different interests and their milestones are defined at different rates.
While your intention must be to draw a benchmark to determine your child’s development; you must rather observe your child’s individual progress. Make his own progresses as a benchmark to advance or do better.
Parents may resent that despite of providing the best education to their child, he/she isn’t excelling. Know that the primary goal of giving the best education is to create responsible and self-reliant individuals. If your kid couldn’t score well, do not rebuke him or make him feel embarrassed about it. Set that score as a benchmark for his next performance. Even if he secures a few marks more than the previous exam, appreciate it.
Focus on the positive and anticipate the joy of your child growing bigger and better. Always support them and show them love and you will see that they are constantly trying their best just to make you proud.
Remember that, what your child is today does not determine his future successes/failures. Their personalities evolve as they grow. Some mature faster, some are skilled at a particular thing, some are just off beat! Don’t put them in the pit of our culture’s obsession with comparison and competition.
